you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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