Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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