there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
