we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
