WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
