The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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