I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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