hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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