I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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