brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
