Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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