White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
