so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish my penis had a tongue
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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