I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
