well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
