i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
