I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
