Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
