I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
