i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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