Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
