Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
