At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
