New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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