My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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