So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
