There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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