Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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