so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
