I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
