i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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