i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
