help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
