we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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