First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
