so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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