last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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