why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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