are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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