I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
