At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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