WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
