I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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