I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
