There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
