You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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