youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
