I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
