All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
