anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
