God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
