he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
