found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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