doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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